Living the Dream

There are so many people who do so many cool things! I admire people who host podcasts, food blog, teach piano, give sound parenting advice, have a small business, compile book lists of beautiful literature, run miles faster than a 12 minute pace, have beautifully decorated homes, share tips for being super frugal, and travel the world in their AirStream (taking beautiful pictures and enjoying nature all the while). Part of me longs to do these things. Why can't I figure it out? What do I lack that these other people have that have brought them to where they are today? What do I need more of to be like them? I want to live the dream! 

Part of the problem is I don't know what "the dream" is? What is it that I am really longing after? Money? Fame? Influence?

Maybe...

But what if I already am living "the dream" and I've just been duped into thinking it is something else?

I think a sense of purpose is important and necessary in living "the dream". People who do all those above things have a purpose. They are accomplishing something, and progressing in very visible ways! It is exciting to witness and I am sure it is exciting to experience. 

I have a purpose, too. It's just a little more common and everyday that the one in a hundred, or thousand, or million. My purpose is to love my children, care for them, nurture them, and teach them. This is my job. It is the most important, most primary job I have. It is not glamorous and picture worthy by the world's standards. 

Changing diapers, making breakfast, and lunch, and dinner, cleaning up messes, keeping house; those things aren't always the most fun. 

But there are so many wonderful moments like reading stories together, playing Legos, eating delicious snacks, going on fun adventures, getting hugs and sweet wet kisses, listening to ideas fresh and new to these young, formative minds, taking walks, and playing at the playground, just to name a few. 

Though there is a slight restlessness inside of my as I think of what more I could and should possibly be doing, I also try to see that right in front of me is "the dream".

I will never regret the hours I spent with my kids. While I am with them, am I really seeing them?

Opportunities ebb and flow like the lapping waves of the sea. Am I taking the opportunity to listen and learn from these wise old souls harbored in fresh new bodies?

Satisfaction comes from a job well done. Did I do my most important job well today?

I don't know why some people can do so much. Their influences are felt like the warmth of the sun by all who choose to stand in their light. Yet, instead of being discouraged that I am not they, I will remember that I am a blanket, just big enough to cover those little bodies seeking warmth on a cold winter's day.

I will be content with my life. I will strive to live in my peace. I will seek the Lord's guidance and know that ultimately I stand accountable to Him. I hope I can do my best with what He has given me. I hope to be the steward he would have me be.

"The dream" is truly right in front of me. May I not let it pass by because I have my back turned, looking for something else. 

...

Epilogue

I started the post trying to find out something about myself. I wanted to know why I seem to long for something else, something more visible. I don't know if I figured out anything while writing this post. I still have this knot in my stomach wondering why some people can do great things with education, jobs, careers, social media posts, and I fall flat in those areas. They can do those things and still be a good mom. Why can't I? I also wonder if the knot is a stirring that I should be doing something more. God needs to use me to be a greater influence than I currently am. But then it's not requisite that I run faster than I have strength. I find peace in influence mediocrity. 

I think there may be more to come as I explore this part of me. Maybe I will find a way to do something a little more. But I also hope to stay centered in what truly matters and never let dreams and ambitions rob me of what is lovely right in front of me.

Kent's Growth

At Kent's 4 month doctor's appointment I found out that my skinny little baby, was indeed skinnier than he should be. He had last weight since his 2 month appointment and had fallen off the growth chart, though the nice nurse rounded up to the 1 percentile. This was a little shocking, embarrassing, and devastating. I felt so bad as a mother. How could I let this happen? Where had we gone wrong? Was it my marathon training? Did I let him sleep too much at night? All those times he cried before falling asleep for a nap, was it because he was STARVING?!

I do not have all the answers, but I am thankful for well child check ups and for bottles and formula. I am thankful I had actually started helping Kent take a bottle before I found this out, because it made supplementing so much easier. 

I'm thankful for this adorable romper my friend sewed for Kent while finishing her last semester of grad school (super woman, my friends) that came in the mail shortly after I found out about Kent's weight. It fit him, partially because he was so skinny, and made me feel very loved and remembered while I was going through my good mom, bad mom crisis.

I am also thankful for the prayers of family and friends on his behalf. I am thankful for the sister who approached me at church the Sunday after, knowing nothing of the weight discovery telling me that all her babies were skinny and they all grew up healthy and happy. I am thankful that even though this was a very minor thing, the Lord showered tender mercies on me as a mother and blessed Kent to grow.

I'm happy to report that Kent ate and ate and ate and now he is no longer a little caterpillar.

He is a great big fat caterpillar!

And so cute. And so fun! He wrinkles his nose when he smiles.

He is starting to clap his hands (fists) when he hears music or is excited. He plays peek a boo. And he is so big!

Kent's weight was not about me. It was about Kent needing to get more nourishment so he could grow big and strong. But it also was about me. It was an opportunity for me to humble myself and set aside my judgments to make sure my baby got what he needed. I wanted my milk supply to miraculously increase. But the reality is, Kent's never really loved nursing. He has a hard time really settling in and enjoying the moment. Formula and bottles has really helped keep him full and happy and what a blessing they are! I am still a good mom even though my milk supply could not support my baby. Maybe it was my half marathon training or maybe not. I won't really every know. But I am thankful that Kent is big and squishy and robust now and I am thankful that I grew a little too.

Our Summer Vacation to Utah

Summer Vacation 2019

We did it. We road tripped from Austin, TX to Salt Lake City, Utah! Our kids were road trip champs! We spent two fun filled weeks in Utah and Idaho enjoying family and fresh air. 

We left Austin very early in the morning. Everyone was happy, awake, and excited to go! We drove all day Saturday, stopping a few times in the middle of nowhere because that is what is between Austin and Utah. We spent the night in Farmington, NM.

On Sunday we stopped in Monticello, Utah for church. We also saw the temple.

After church we took a Sunday walk to Wilson's arch. Taft climbed it like a mountain goat! I was pretty much having a heart attack. It was sandy and slippery, but Erik made it with the 3 olders like a champ!

Our first family stop was in Provo to see Taylor, Krystalee, Fife, Vera, Isak, Doug, and Amanda. The kids had a 5 minute sleep over, we took an official golf cart tour of BYU, had ice cream, and a cook out at the Archibald's house. The kids had a blast with their cousins playing outside from dawn (literally) until dusk. Taft particularly remembers making paper rockets and blasting them off of the pneumatic launcher Taylor made.


The BYU Bookstore has this new slide set-up! Hike the Y with littles!

Joel was a good helper, feeding kent a bottle while we traveled.

We were happy to get to Salt Lake and see the Nelsens! 

Porter returned home from his mission to Colombia only a couple of weeks prior. It was fun to see him! Alyssa and I realized we didn't really remember a lot about Porter before his mission except that he taught Alyssa how to swim...(?? That's what she always says anyway, though that may have been one time swimming together in a hotel swimming pools??). It was fun to be with him. He taught Alyssa a few things about Rubik's cubes and Alyssa has been working on our 3 X 3 ever since. Once she masters it she has big plans to do some of the other crazy ones like Porter.

While in Utah, we did as the Utahns do! We hiked around Silver Lake. I was really hoping to see a moose. We really only saw dead fish. Bad year for the water apparently. Claire and Porter went with us.

We also went to Kennecott Copper Mine. I really wanted to see the big dump trucks and thought Joel and Taft would enjoy them too. They are so far away that they don't look very big! We got to see how big their beds are, though, and we stood inside the big scoop of a giant bulldozer! The mine is so big! It's amazing how much of the mountain they have carved away, slowly, over time.

The Days of '47 Parade was going to happen while we were there so we went the float preview party. We were there without Grandpa, or were we...

Don't be fooled. Though that looks just like Dad, it was not. Total doppelganger, but maybe Dad should make sure someone isn't stealing his clothes at night. Or maybe he should start an Instagram Influencer Style account!

One of the biggest highlights of the trip was the much anticipated half marathon/marathon/5k. Now, why no one told me that I probably wasn't really starting this training with a prepregnancy fitness level and that a "couch to half marathon" in 3.5 months was kind of ambitious, I will never know. (Or maybe they did but I didn't listen.) However, after many days of early morning Texas runs, Erik, Jacob, Katie, and I ran 13.1 miles down Emigration Canyon and into the Salt Lake Valley! Ben ran a full marathon, bless his soul. And everyone else ran or walked in a 5k. It was hard. So hard. And I am still recovering over a month later, but I am glad that I did it! My favorite part was crossing the finish line with Erik. I had anticipated beating him at some point during my training because I felt that I was a little more diligent in my training. But blisters and my hip slowed me down a little bit and in the end we ran the entire thing together! We crossed the finish line hand in hand. I could not have done it without Erik both during training and during the marathon. He kept me going and supported me. It was a bit metaphorical of our life together. We need each other and we have to do it side by side the whole way!

One afternoon we stopped by Grandma and Grandpa Scarlet's. Grandpa had a birthday! He's just a few years over 30. All of the Nelsen clan was present, so we snapped a few photos for posterity's sake.

A few more photos for posterity's sake...

Taft LOVES Chance and Begheera. Here he is, pictured with Begheera. Don't know what she's doing...

Let's see. We also went up to Idaho and played at Hot Lava Springs and did many fun runs down a river up there. Alyssa overcame her fear of the waterslides and the platforms, jumping of the first platform once! The house we stayed at was very close to the train tracks and a railroad crossing. Taft and Joel were in love with seeing the train every time it came through. It did not get old! We shot bb guns and ate nice hot shmoes around the campfire. The trip was a time of growth for us as we came to know each other better and strengthen our trust and relationships.

This was Ben and Porter's first hammock arrangement. It was a lil' cozy.

Erik slept in the tent with the kids the first night. The train was a little too much for everyone, so they slept inside the second night. This what the sleeping arrangements were like...

In the midst of Utah Erik went to China for a research conference. He saw the Forbidden City and the Great Wall among a few other things. 

Erik at the Great Wall. He's in his research group to add diversity...

Claire was amazing and played game after game after game with Alyssa, along with hours of Barbies. We had fun at Grandma's eating popsicles and playing in the kiddie pool. The kids loved the raspberries and Alyssa was bound and determined to find a ripe blackberry, which she did! Two, in fact! The kids also enjoyed going on a walk with Grandma and Chance and the neighbor ladies every morning. The simple things of every day with Grandma was a major highlight of their trip. 

I enjoyed going to Butlerville Days and listening to Peter Breinholt and watching the fireworks. I reflected on how much my life has changed since the last time I did that a senior in high school. The fireworks were pretty similar, and I still enjoyed them. But instead of being surrounded by high school friends, who I thought were so important, I was with Ben, Claire and James, Jacob and Katie, Porter, and Alyssa. Once a young women's leader told me I wouldn't be friends with my friends later on. I told her I couldn't imagine it. We'd be friends forever! But she was right (she seemed to always be right, though I loathed her for it at the time). I was surrounded with all of my siblings and my daughter though. These are the friends I will have for life. And there we were, sitting on the lawn of our middle school, all a little older and wiser, and so much closer than we were 12 years ago.

There are a lot of places we can travel. We haven't been to very many of them, but my travel dreams come true every time we go to Utah, spend a few days, and live life with the people we love the most.

Some more pictures...

Preparing to Road Trip home

Erik took the boys to Macey's to get snacks for the road trip. They ate ice cream and bought snacks that helped our road trip feel like nursery on wheels. It made having home church in the car quite natural.

Road Trippin' Home

The Hallmark Car and Landmark Picture (Erik has to do it every.single.time)

We stopped in Moab for a feeding for Kent and Erik took A, T, and J on a little hike which involved getting in water.