Slow Down

I felt joy bubble up inside of me as we sat on the couch while Erik read Winnie-the-Pooh. The narration of the novel is magically simple. It brings joy to the young listener and nostalgia to the aged. In that moment of imagining Winnie floating as a cloud in the sky trying to avert the suspicion of a hive of bees, I felt grateful for my motherhood. I felt happy to know that the toys littered around the house and the pile of paraphernalia necessary for proper imagination games meant that my children were happily engaged today. I saw that the time I spend with them is fleeting! I just want to soak it up and never forget.

How much longer will my sweet girl ask me to color with her? How many more times can I kiss my bouncing baby boy's soft chubby cheeks? When will afternoons cease to be passed in restful slumber by all members of the house? Will my baby lose his sweet smell that makes me want to eat him up?

I love to see Alyssa learn and grow. She is starting to read and do math. She can unload the dishwasher and collect eggs. She whips up a mean batch of pancakes and she can put her clean clothes away by herself. She is playing the violin and the piano and can swing so high she kicks the top of the carport entrance. Somehow her opportunities just keep increasing and as a mother I want to see her meet her potential!

But I am starting to fear that all this learning and growing is taking my little girl away and turning her into a smart kid who will know more and imagine less. Independence is exciting, for mother and child. It relieves some of the burdens on the former and grants the latter more opportunities. Yet it is also terrifying. Independence gives street cred to the kid and smothering the innocent flame of the child. I'm not ready for that. I know it's not all bad...growing up and all, but I just want my baby, though she be five. I don't want her to grow up too fast (though she has reassured me she will chat with me everyday) and I definitely don't want to look back and see that I was the one that forced* her to grow up!

And so I relish in the moments we share with Christopher Robin and Winnie-the-Pooh. I'm grateful for the songs we sing together at night and the afternoons we spend napping on my bed. I'm grateful she still needs me to read her a story and color with her. I'm glad that sometimes she wants me to wash her hair or help her pick her clothes. She is still my daughter and I am still her mommy.

"Sister Crimm dressed like this on Sunday. I'm going to dress like this every day."

You know...5 year olds and primary teachers...they have the same style!

*Lest I look back or you read and think that perhaps I already am forcing her to grow up...two instruments for a 5 year old?! I am really just trying to follow her interests and I do it all with great caution.