Fall Time Brings WAVES of Nostalgia

I have been hit with waves of nostalgia that is on the verge of homesickness for homes of the past. We moved to Mississippi and I adjusted quickly. I felt very little emotional trauma during and after the move and I quickly accepted our new surroundings.

In the last week, however, as I have seen postings of people returning to BYU for the beginning of a new school year and as I have thought on some of our family adventures of the past, my feelings have been strong for the experiences I have had!

oh holy nostalgia - photo cred - Lauren

Going to college was a wonderful and overwhelming experience. I look back in my mind and think of the friends I made and the day to day things, particularly during freshman year, that made life what it was (I just don't remember it being this orange *Claire*wink*wink). I still so clearly remember meeting Lauren W. that first day. She was wearing shorts and a Y baseball hat and she was there! After months of emailing and even calling each other, there she was, in front of me - so real. When I forget that memory, then I have amnesia.

photo cred - Lauren

There were hard days and lonely days and awkward days but it was a beautiful time of life. It was lovely to walk everywhere and eat chips and sour cream daily. There was the smell and the sights and the sounds. I went to football games, took naps in the JFSB and had EXTREME anxiety about my job, so much so that I hardly ever worked! It was a new level of freedom as I took on the challenges of being an individual. I made mistakes, I cried, I sometimes wanted to go home. But it was wonderful. It was what I needed to become me.

** sigh **

My heart was also stirred by memories of Delaware, particularly our first fall there as I learned how to be a mother and a wife and a friend so far from all I had every known and experienced. I feel an immense amount of gratitude for Jill C. who let Alyssa and I come over, who met us at Millburn Orchards, and who introduced us to cider donuts. (The memory of cider donuts actually is what started all of my Delaware in fall stirrings. I really don't think there is anything as beautiful as the northern Mid-Atlantic in the fall.) I remember sitting on her couch and talking and leaving with bags full of books...that I never read...BUT had good intentions to read! Jill helped me in my transitions for which I am so grateful.

It was difficult being so far from Mom and Dad with a 5 month old. It wasn't the original happily ever after I had always hoped. But again, it was a growing experience and one that I would not trade for anything. That fall was beautiful. The leaves, the smells, having Mom and Dad come visit, the rain, the humidity. It is all in my mind and heart.

Our little family learned how to rely upon one another and trust in and help out each other. Alyssa was so little, still an infant in the spectrum of her life! She nursed and slept and pooped way more than I ever expected. I was tired, and bored, and just unsure of what to do with myself during that time. We were strengthened by our Heavenly Father to at first endure and then enjoy that time of our lives.

My words do not do the memories justice. But they are there and I am trying not to be jealous of my former self and all that I had then. I have just as much and more now, and perhaps we will experience fall in this deep south. The leaves will fall eventually, maybe the air will be crisp. In the meantime I will start making apple cider donuts to perfect my skills and will on the delightful time of year.

A beautiful day

Despite the Mississippi humidity, we ventured out to the park. It was pleasant in the shade. We had a good time swinging, climbing slides and playing with sticks. It is a simple thing to go to the park and to be outside, but it is delightful in its own right. I am grateful for the beautiful world God has given us and the lovely people who are on this journey with me.

CLAIRE!!! (the beginning days)

Claire is here! Alyssa has kept her quite busy playing scrabble for the last 3 days. Any down time we have at home is spent lining up the scrabble letters on the board. Alyssa loves to put things in order and this is no exception! She keeps telling us to make sure we put them in the right direction and there can be not spaces between any of the tiles.

We have been doing other fun things as well. Alyssa was really excited to have Claire come. On Thursday she said, "A 'tar is coming!" I said, "A star is coming? What is that?" "Claire! Claire is a 'tar!"

We have gone to church, explored the military park including the garden, the Illinois monument and the USS Cairo. We have received a number of mosquito bites. We watched the movie at the visitor's center at the military park and learned that the South surrendered at the Battle of Vicksburg.

We spent today in downtown Vicksburg visiting the Army Corps boat museum, building our own river, going to library story time, playing in Catfish Row fountains, visiting the Coca-Cola museum, eating ice cream and going to a quaint bookstore downtown.

We are so glad Claire is visiting! It is wonderful to have her here and I feel especially blessed that Alyssa has such a wonderful role model to look up to!

The Tragedy of Imperfections

I want to update our blog, but then I look through my pictures and realize that I don't have very many or they are on Erik's phone or due to our computer epidemic, they are not readily available and so then I don't update. The post stays the same for the next month though life has gone on and many memories have been made.

Thus, the tragedy of imperfection - or the perceived imperfection. My blog is not the blog of the century. It is not perfectly formatted with perfect pictures, inspiring commentary, and delightfully articulated stories. And that imperfection keeps me from putting myself out there. It keeps me from remembering what the Lord has done for my family or the funny times we have had or even the struggles we face. And that is a tragedy. I hope the angels are keeping records for me, but in the meantime I will work harder to keep the records myself.

At the kitchen sink this afternoon I realized that I am not writing this blog for you. I am writing it for Alyssa and Emily and Erik when they are 85 and want to remember the good ol' days. This is family history at its finest.

The thing is that this tragedy can follow us in every aspect of our lives. It can prevent us from doing a multitude of wonderful things because at the root of our imperfections is the ugly comparison monster. We shall not get better if we don't try and try we must, my friends!

So overcome the tragedy. Let your imperfections show and let those feelings of comparisons and judgments that are probably not even being formulated be annihilated. You'll feel better and accomplish more, I am sure of it.