Fall Time Brings WAVES of Nostalgia

I have been hit with waves of nostalgia that is on the verge of homesickness for homes of the past. We moved to Mississippi and I adjusted quickly. I felt very little emotional trauma during and after the move and I quickly accepted our new surroundings.

In the last week, however, as I have seen postings of people returning to BYU for the beginning of a new school year and as I have thought on some of our family adventures of the past, my feelings have been strong for the experiences I have had!

oh holy nostalgia - photo cred - Lauren

Going to college was a wonderful and overwhelming experience. I look back in my mind and think of the friends I made and the day to day things, particularly during freshman year, that made life what it was (I just don't remember it being this orange *Claire*wink*wink). I still so clearly remember meeting Lauren W. that first day. She was wearing shorts and a Y baseball hat and she was there! After months of emailing and even calling each other, there she was, in front of me - so real. When I forget that memory, then I have amnesia.

photo cred - Lauren

There were hard days and lonely days and awkward days but it was a beautiful time of life. It was lovely to walk everywhere and eat chips and sour cream daily. There was the smell and the sights and the sounds. I went to football games, took naps in the JFSB and had EXTREME anxiety about my job, so much so that I hardly ever worked! It was a new level of freedom as I took on the challenges of being an individual. I made mistakes, I cried, I sometimes wanted to go home. But it was wonderful. It was what I needed to become me.

** sigh **

My heart was also stirred by memories of Delaware, particularly our first fall there as I learned how to be a mother and a wife and a friend so far from all I had every known and experienced. I feel an immense amount of gratitude for Jill C. who let Alyssa and I come over, who met us at Millburn Orchards, and who introduced us to cider donuts. (The memory of cider donuts actually is what started all of my Delaware in fall stirrings. I really don't think there is anything as beautiful as the northern Mid-Atlantic in the fall.) I remember sitting on her couch and talking and leaving with bags full of books...that I never read...BUT had good intentions to read! Jill helped me in my transitions for which I am so grateful.

It was difficult being so far from Mom and Dad with a 5 month old. It wasn't the original happily ever after I had always hoped. But again, it was a growing experience and one that I would not trade for anything. That fall was beautiful. The leaves, the smells, having Mom and Dad come visit, the rain, the humidity. It is all in my mind and heart.

Our little family learned how to rely upon one another and trust in and help out each other. Alyssa was so little, still an infant in the spectrum of her life! She nursed and slept and pooped way more than I ever expected. I was tired, and bored, and just unsure of what to do with myself during that time. We were strengthened by our Heavenly Father to at first endure and then enjoy that time of our lives.

My words do not do the memories justice. But they are there and I am trying not to be jealous of my former self and all that I had then. I have just as much and more now, and perhaps we will experience fall in this deep south. The leaves will fall eventually, maybe the air will be crisp. In the meantime I will start making apple cider donuts to perfect my skills and will on the delightful time of year.